Let’s talk work and parenting.
I have a full-time day job. I also stay home with my kids full time. We have three that are below school age currently, so I spend my days balancing my paid work with my mom work.
Because let’s be real, being a mom is work. It’s work I love, but it’s still work. You have to be “on” 24/7 for your kids. There are needs to be met, meals to be fed, baths to be given, activities to be done. And that’s just the surface level.
I’m lucky in that I have a flexible work from home job. They know I have kids. They encourage work/life balance. As long as my work is done on time and done well, there’s no issue. I can pop out for a kid’s doctor appointment or school pickup or whatever the case may be without an issue. I know that’s not the reality for everyone. Most parents have to physically go into an office every day and either leave their kids with a caregiver or daycare if they’re not old enough for school. And getting time off for appointments or sick days or really anything parenting related is often almost impossible for many people. At least in the U.S. (that’s a whole other issue).
On the surface, it may seem like I have it easy. But the truth of it is that it’s incredibly hard to balance work and parenting. It’s possible. But it’s not easy. I am a great multitasker, but even I have limits. So something always gets pushed to the side–most often household chores. I think I’ve been doing the same load of laundry for about a week because I keep forgetting to put it in the dryer. My priorities are elsewhere.
Juggling meetings and assignments with the needs of three young kids is not for the faint of heart. But as frustrating and exhausting as it may be sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it. I know how incredibly lucky I am to be able to parent my kids through all of their milestones and still hold down a salaried job. That doesn’t mean that every day is a cakewalk, though.
I get mad. At my kids. At work. At little distractions and big time sucks. I have bad days. Some are incredibly bad days. I’m not always a good mom. I’m not always a good employee. I’m almost always tired. I get cranky and yell. But I also smile and laugh with my kids and my colleagues. I take time to play imaginatively with my babies. I set up quiet screen time so I can work in peace without distractions. I try to meet everyone’s needs, including my own. I take breaks for my sanity.
My situation is not traditional by any means. But we live in a time and place where one income is not realistic. The economy is so chaotic right now that even with two incomes, it’s complicated. I’ve had to become a nontraditional parent and a nontraditional employee all in one.
It’s hard–I say that a lot about parenting in general. Because it is. That’s the reality. Social media, movies, shows, other people often want to make it seem so easy and like “my kid is an angel and it’s not work to be a parent,” but that’s a lie. Parenting is messy. We do our best, but we don’t always do it right. And that’s okay. It’s okay to admit that being a parent isn’t always what we expected it to be.
Add work on top of that. It could very easily become a recipe for disaster. But I’ve found a few things that help me balance my two selves a little better. Maybe they’ll help someone else too.
The first thing we did when we realized I’d be working from home permanently was create a dedicated office space. With a door. We tried the whole open office thing, and it did. Not. Work. So we pivoted and created an office space in a place where there is a door that can shut and lock. Now, I don’t shut myself in when I’m home with the kids. They’re not old enough to care for themselves yet. But when my husband is home and I really need to focus, I can shut myself in. This has helped tremendously. I used to work on my laptop in bed. But I’m much more productive at my office desk. Because even though I don’t go into an office outside of the home, I still need that dedicated space where I can turn my brain to work mode .
I also started getting dressed every day. Sounds silly, I know. But it’s o easy to fall into working in your pajamas when your job is out of your house and you’re not seeing people all the time. I’ve found that when I get up ad get ready in the mornings, it helps me to ground myself and focus. It makes me more productive. Some days, I even get fancy and do my makeup. Just for fun.
I take breaks. I used to do this pre-kids when I did go into an office. I would sit in my office at my desk and do a bunch of work, then I would get up, walk around, get a cup of coffee, maybe pop outside for some air or have a quick chat with a coworker before going back to my desk and doing more work. We are not robots. I work better when I can do it in chunks. My brain needs breaks. My body needs breaks. So I take that same process and implement it to my home office. I work for a few hours before taking a short break to get some coffee or lunch or play with the kids for a bit. It helps both them and me.
Some people will argue that you can possibly give your kids what they need if you’re also working. I think that’s a load of crap. Daycare workers aren’t solely watching you kid. They’re watching a bunch of others too. Schools have many kids per teacher. And I take the time throughout the day to give my kids the time and attention they need. It takes intention.
I set a schedule. For me and the kids. I wake up at the same-ish time every morning and have a set breakfast routine with the kids. Then I go to work and the kids go to play or watch something. They come into the office to ask me things or tell me they need something. I help them. I go back to work. I stop for lunch. More work. Then once my husband and the big kids get home for the day, my workday is over. Dinnertime follows and then our nighttime routine. I firmly shut work off when I am done. Let me say that again: I shut work off when I am done.
My home may also be my office, but that doesn’t mean that work gets to take over my life. I am a person with needs too.
Setting that boundary has made a HUGE difference in my mental health as well as my ability to show up for my family and my job. It’s essential. I didn’t always hold that boundary so well, though. It took time and learning how to say no.
And with that, weekends are my own. That is my uninterrupted family and me time. It’s rare that I’ll work on weekends, and when I do, it’s because it’s necessary. Weekends are when we do family things–go places and do things together. No school, no work, no other obligations. Just family and down time.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the drag of work all the time. Especially if you work from home. But I remind myself that I work to give my kids he best. They are my why. And if I forget about my why or push them aside in favor of work, I’ve lost my way. I don’t want to miss a single precious second I’m given with these children. So boundaries and balance have become mandatory for me. Nothing is more important than my why and my mental health. And like a lot of people, I learned this the hard way through failing and falling before finding my way forward.
I think about it a lot, and I don’t know how I would handle a job outside the house these days. That sounds crazy, I know, but I’ve been doing this for so long that I don’t know what I’d do. Adapt of course. But I think I’d be so anxious and worried about my kids all the time.
Why did we choose this route? Partly because this is where the job market took us. But also because daycare is a whole school tuition, and I don’t trust many others with my children. They are too precious, and I have heard too many horror stories. Some way too close to home. The simple answer is that we got lucky and all the pieces fell into place to allow for this arrangement. And I’m grateful. Tired. But grateful. And trying to remember not to take a second of it for granted.
Have any tips or tricks for balancing work and parenting? I’d love to hear them! Leave me some comments or email me at [email protected].